silently strong but deals with problems in an emotionally concealed manner

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

crawling in my skin these wounds they will not heal fear is how I fall confusing what is real discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me distracting/reacting against my will I stand beside my own reflection it’s haunting how I can’t seem…

It could be so simply… who I am? What the *** im doing here. Am I doing the right thing? I can’t believe myself. I can’t open my eyes. No matter how I try to let it go, no matter how I laugh about it, I don’t know what to do… I wanna let go of the past. I think I’m crazy. Pls don’t look straight to my eyes. Am I a just a big joke? I can’t trust myself. What is the real thing? You think you know me? Think again. I wanna sleep again. I want it out of my system. I don’t believe myself. I pity myself but no wait no regrets!!! What’s right? What’s wrong? Sometimes I wanna stop breathing but I know I still have a lot to do. I am lost as always!!!! Am I stupid to let these things to happened? Lack of self control? i felt this way before so insecure…. I’m ok!!!

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are here? Why (gosh) I can’t explain how happy I am right now. I dunno why I love to sing CATER TO U lately, as in, this is so much fun. And I’m going loka over “Unbelievable by Craig David.”  Korni pero ok lng I wanna feel this I think I’m enjoying it.  God is so cool.  Someone left me, a very special one, and now he’s giving me another gift. He doesn’t even have a bit of idea how he makes me feel so good.  Ah he doesn’t even know me, he only knew I love coke float. He is so opposite of the guy I wanna be with. I guess, this is brighter than the sunshine. We can choose someone to make it work. I wanna hug him, just the idea of being with him makes me close my eyes and smile.  He makes my heart beat so fast. Ah what a feeling. I don’t want to end it. We’re still friends I dunno if he likes me but no big deal at least I’m happy.  Were in the stage of getting to now each other, ah I don’t care if he doesn’t like the things I love. I don’t give a damn if he loves to eat spaghetti with his bare hands. “eEw.’ I can break my own rules cause you make me whole again.  

Before and after.

I knew it was there, though I tried to hide it but the feelings just kept on shining through

Haven’t known you that long, so I try to deny it, but the feeling was much too strong

Could this be love? Deep down inside. Tearing me apart. I felt it in my heart. Constantly, you’re on my mind. No I don’t want to start no trouble between you ad I and your lover. but I must tell you what Im going through.

After….

I’m looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don’t have the answer
Why you still standin’ here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
Just walk away
Just walk away

just beneath the starry night, there’s a soul wishing to be found.  a soul that somehow tried to make a way to survive in our ordinary world. to live with the sorrows of yesterday and facing the right will of tomorrow was the toughest.  There’s a countless time that i only knew things will be ok is knowing the wrong way will lead to happiness.  im pointless, and im clueless, why. i need a closure, but i dont know where to start.  i need myself, i dont know where i lost it. i dont want to regret all those things that happened, but i dont want to know the place intended for being so human, after life. i cant decide, i know im not ready, im lost to a place i’ve always been. im always like this, crazy about nothing, lost in space, in denial, running away, and last sad about yesterday.  im walking away from the troubles of my life, sometimes some people get me wrong fr the things i’ve done.  it’s eating me alive, and i saw it with my own eyes.  now im a wingless bird, a heartless soul, a lost angel, a sinful mind, and a homeless child. 

Is there anyone who tries to find me?  I have to be found because no one wants to be alone.  I want to be whole again. I wanna feel the earth, the wind, and the water.   I want to feel how to take a deep breath again.  I wanna close my eyes and still sees the wind. I wanna swim, to feel the water’s hug.    

To find myself again, the real thing must close the door.

God’s love will see me again.  But if so, am I ready to live a new life?

beauty and madness

I know I’m already dead but it’s kinda peculiar im still breathing.  I wonder why? It’s like you see yourself bleeding to death without any pain.  I am numb with life. My system is in despair I am malfunctioning. Feel me, cause somehow I’m still alive.

It’s not how I planned it.   

what if???

I ran into a friend of yours the other day
And I asked her how you’ve been
She said my girl is fine; just bought a house, got a job, real good man
I told her I was glad for you; that’s wonderful
But does she ever ask `bout me?
She said she’s happy with her life right now
Let her go, let her be
And I told myself I would, but something in my heart just would not let you go
I just wanna know
Would that not mean anything?
What if that was `sposed to be my house that you go home to every day?
How can you be sure that things are better?
If you can’t be sure your heart is still here with me
Still wanting me
Your friend asked me if there was someone special in my life that I was seeing
I told her there was no one in particular
There’s just i, myself, and me
I told her that I dream of you quite often
She just cut her eyes at me
She said you got a home, you’re very happy
So just stop your meddling
I told her that I won’t
I said things were cool, but I guess I was wrong
I still can’t move on

Now that could be my car
That could be my house
That could be my baby boy that you’re nursing
That could be the trash that I always take out
That could be the chair that I love to chill in
That could be my food on the table at the end of the day
Hugs and the kisses, all the love we make
What the hell do you expect me to say?
What if it’s really `sposed to be this way?
What if you’re really `sposed to be with me?

i hope to c u soon….

I thought u know im lost.  Aint asking for your world I was just hoping ul be der for me when every time im down.  We both know how moments last, it was so cool.  Don’t leave me like this but I guess I cannot ask for more. What happened? Don’t tell me u had enough, didn’t u feel I care for u, didn’t u notice that im here for you, why cause u only knew it was your the only one who cares? Why am I that naïve? U know im weak I cant be brave without you. You make me feel beautiful, appreciated, and wanted.  We were friends, and vowed to be there till the end.  it cant be this, but if you really wanna go tell me so I can close my eyes. dont give me vain hopes.  if only u knew how things happened but i guess i was wrong, i failed to understand and see the real u.  now that your treating me like this i dont know what to say and what to do. leave it this way? the you want it, or try to win u back?  why wont u tell me why? it’s driving me crazy tell me you want out im just a txt away.  talk to me!!! ok maybe some things are really should be left unspoken. fine if u want this way.  ur treatingme like i should be blamed fr everythng.       

finally its over, i like u but i dont love you, kulet mo kc eh, cant you see kaw tong demanding, you only see yourself. no string attach pro kaw tong demanding pra bang u want a thing exclusively pro ikaw magulo, kaw  mismo eh. kaw my prob hnd ako kc ok lng ako with or without u, i have to move on i can find another one, much better. thanks for evrythng, i must say evrythng comes to an end,  in a good manner or in a drastic way. aiyt keep it cool.  well be just fine.

Minsa kailangan tangapin, unawain, ilagay s isip n tama na tpos n ang laht, at ipagpatuloy ang buhay!!! May oras p pra magsaya, pra ituwid ang khapon, pro minsn s hirap ng pagsubok nkakapagtulala ang mga pangyayari ang bilis at ang sakit.  Lito k tuloy kung ako ano gagawin mo.  Kay hirap namn magicp ng matino pagganto ang sitwasyon pro hnd dapt yakapin at alagaan ang sakit n nararamdaman. Basta’t buhay ko’y magulo at ako’y litong lito ano b talga ang dapt kong himigin. Kay hirap mag antay, kay hirap unawain at tangapin mga bagay bgay n d ko akalaing itoy aking mapagdadaanan.  Kay gulo ng utak ko kay gulo ng buhay ko, asan n ang puso ko. Siguro nga kailangan ko ng maniwala n ako’y tao laman na hinahayaang masaktan ng taong walang pkiramdam. (ang conri)