silently strong but deals with problems in an emotionally concealed manner

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are here? Why (gosh) I can’t explain how happy I am right now. I dunno why I love to sing CATER TO U lately, as in, this is so much fun. And I’m going loka over “Unbelievable by Craig David.”  Korni pero ok lng I wanna feel this I think I’m enjoying it.  God is so cool.  Someone left me, a very special one, and now he’s giving me another gift. He doesn’t even have a bit of idea how he makes me feel so good.  Ah he doesn’t even know me, he only knew I love coke float. He is so opposite of the guy I wanna be with. I guess, this is brighter than the sunshine. We can choose someone to make it work. I wanna hug him, just the idea of being with him makes me close my eyes and smile.  He makes my heart beat so fast. Ah what a feeling. I don’t want to end it. We’re still friends I dunno if he likes me but no big deal at least I’m happy.  Were in the stage of getting to now each other, ah I don’t care if he doesn’t like the things I love. I don’t give a damn if he loves to eat spaghetti with his bare hands. “eEw.’ I can break my own rules cause you make me whole again.  

Before and after.

I knew it was there, though I tried to hide it but the feelings just kept on shining through

Haven’t known you that long, so I try to deny it, but the feeling was much too strong

Could this be love? Deep down inside. Tearing me apart. I felt it in my heart. Constantly, you’re on my mind. No I don’t want to start no trouble between you ad I and your lover. but I must tell you what Im going through.

After….

I’m looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don’t have the answer
Why you still standin’ here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
Just walk away
Just walk away

just beneath the starry night, there’s a soul wishing to be found.  a soul that somehow tried to make a way to survive in our ordinary world. to live with the sorrows of yesterday and facing the right will of tomorrow was the toughest.  There’s a countless time that i only knew things will be ok is knowing the wrong way will lead to happiness.  im pointless, and im clueless, why. i need a closure, but i dont know where to start.  i need myself, i dont know where i lost it. i dont want to regret all those things that happened, but i dont want to know the place intended for being so human, after life. i cant decide, i know im not ready, im lost to a place i’ve always been. im always like this, crazy about nothing, lost in space, in denial, running away, and last sad about yesterday.  im walking away from the troubles of my life, sometimes some people get me wrong fr the things i’ve done.  it’s eating me alive, and i saw it with my own eyes.  now im a wingless bird, a heartless soul, a lost angel, a sinful mind, and a homeless child. 

Is there anyone who tries to find me?  I have to be found because no one wants to be alone.  I want to be whole again. I wanna feel the earth, the wind, and the water.   I want to feel how to take a deep breath again.  I wanna close my eyes and still sees the wind. I wanna swim, to feel the water’s hug.    

To find myself again, the real thing must close the door.

God’s love will see me again.  But if so, am I ready to live a new life?

beauty and madness